*WARNING: This post is wordy, sappy, and there are no pictures. :)
Each time I go to write a post about my first Mother's Day, I naturally think of my own mother and my mother in law. The post turns into a post about them, when I am trying to talk about how I wouldn't be a mom if it weren't for Cora and trying to document my first Mother's Day celebration. But, when something begs to be written about by popping up in everything else I'm trying to write, I realize that
that thing must be what I actually want to write.
My mother has been wonderful to me this year. She has done so without thought, with ease and with love. I've been a bit of a mess since January.... This was when I was five months pregnant and Miles was diagnosed with testicular cancer - something I don't talk about on here because I am much more open than him and don't want to talk about something that happened to him as if it happened to me, especially when he would prefer not to talk about it at all. He is ok, which is amazing.
He is amazing - - And, this would be a whole other post - if it were something I was going to write about on my blog.
The reason I mention it at all is to say that that's when I started needing my mom in a way I hadn't in years. I didn't have to say it, I didn't ask for it, but she was there. She knew when to be present, when to call, when to give me space. (She was there for my husband, too, but he had his mom and I had mine. More on that later in the post.) It wasn't so much that I was worried he wouldn't be okay, even though I was, and it wasn't so much that I thought this wasn't fair, even though I didn't. But, I was scared, I didn't know how to wrap my head around what I was feeling, or what this meant. She made me feel comfortable, normal, and like everything would be okay in the end.
In March I got put on bed rest -
something I did blog about. It was difficult, and she was there. My mom took care of me, of my laundry, helped get things prepared for my baby, took me to the doctor, kept me company, everything... She sacrificed so much of her time and energy to keep me happy and to help me through a tough time period. She did all of that because she wanted to, because she knew I needed her, and because she loves me.
And, since my dear baby has arrived, she's been there just the same. She comforts me, when I'm scared about Cora's weight or reflux. She listens to me analyze how my mind has shifted gears so intensely in the past six weeks. My mom reminds me to enjoy everything, to not fear the future, and she loves me and my baby. She encourages myself and Miles as new parents, and tells us we're doing great, even when we really question that. She tells me I'll always question that, and that that is okay.
Miles' mom has also been a rock for us.
In all of the ways I detailed my mom here, Bennie Rue has been there for me, as well. She never forgot to ask how I was dealing with Miles' stuff, never forgot to tell me that it was okay for it to be hard on me, too. She was there for me any day I needed her or wanted her to be, while I was on bed rest. She has been kind, sweet, and understanding in everything I'm going through as a new mother. I know her support has had it's own special healing effect on Miles, throughout his ordeal. I know, also, that I am truly blessed to have a mother in law who treats me like a daughter. She doesn't have to, but she always has.
The reason these thoughts kept creeping into my simple telling of my own Mother's Day, is because I think I understand now. I understand that my mom and Miles' have wanted to be there for us this year, through these trials of life. They wanted to, but they also had no choice. We are their babies, and, when it's happening to your baby, it's happening to you. I didn't know that it was so easy to give yourself, when you felt this way. I didn't know that it would make what they've done for me mean even more than it already did.
This Mother's Day, underneath the simple gifts and loving words that were exchanged between us all, was a new understanding for me. I have the best gift of all, because I have the love and support of my mom and Bennie Rue. I know that no one in the world loves us like our parents do, and I know that I could never think about Mother's Day without thinking of them first.
